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The Wheel Weaves...

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1st September 2006

6:11pm: From Now On...
((From now on I'm going to use this journal as Bella's journal, so you can look here to see her personal thoughts and feelings. Maybe I should make her a myspace, lol))
Current Mood: chipper

14th August 2005

12:33am: Too tired to title this...
So, Sam's team lost by two points today, but she played really well for her very first game. I'm proud :)

That was pretty much the highlight of the day, and it was at noon. It's sad when your day peaks so early. Personally, I would have liked to do some other stuff, but my other half was sleeping all day. I guess having your heart all fucked up is a good excuse, but it sure leaves me BORED. How self-absorbed am I?
Current Mood: sleepy

13th August 2005

1:05am: When it rains...
So, all the bitching I've done about being bored is coming back to bite me in the ass, lol. Samantha joined a soccer league so now suddenly I'm spending three hours a week at practice, and they have their first game tomorrow (go Electric Shock!). I'm excited for her, but it makes for a lot of changes for the rest of the family. We're happy with it, though, so we're getting the other kids into something too. Darian's going to play tennis and Sabryna is going to try basketball. Oh, and this morning, the kid's mom who was supposed to do the snack this week called and wanted to switch with me, so I had to run around like mad buying snacks and drinks. Fun.

Last night I spent three and a half loooong hours in the ER with Kimberlee. She has PSVT which is basically a condition where her heart beats too fast. Way too fast - it got up to 218 bpm last night. They had to stop her heart and restart it three times last night before they could at least get it down to 110, which is still tachycardic. By the time we left it was down to a more manageable 95 at least. So, on a few hours of sleep, I'm writing this before crashing out for the long day that tomorrow will be.

There's a ren faire in the next town over this weekend too, so I'm going to try to catch that on Sunday. It's such a small town, I have low expectations.

What else...? School starts on Thursday. This semester I've got PE, spanish, art history, and english. Wow, you can't even tell I'm a nursing major by that schedule, lol.

I guess that's it ... just a little update.

Current Mood: crazy

30th July 2005

1:09pm: Better
I feel better today.
Current Mood: calm

27th July 2005

4:59pm: Whatever, Red Lobster
Okay, so I didn't get the job. At least, I'm assuming that, since they haven't called me by now. I guess I am going to have to call them, just to get my rejection up close and personal. Let me just say: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

okay, I feel better now. I'm bummed about not getting the job, because I'm soooo sick of my current gig (sorry, Kainoa) and also because it would have meant more money. I would have felt more productive while waiting to reapply for the RN program too. I guess I will stick out another semester of classes that don't have anything to do with my major. Fun. I only need two more units towards my RN degree, but I'm just going to go ahead and go full time because I could use the grant money. It's the only way we'll be having Christmas this year, anyway.

I think I will spend the rest of today feeling sorry for myself, then get over it.
Current Mood: morose

19th July 2005

9:52am: The Second Interview
Okay, I got a second interview for the Red Lobster job. It's today. I'm so nervous!! But I'm also optimistic, since I'm clearly impressing someone to make it to the next phase. Speaking of, Red Lobster's hiring process makes me wonder if it's really not a covert secret service operation. Sheesh! I had to take personality tests, a math and english test, an oral test ... damn, I just want to serve drinks, how smart do I need to be? Lucky for me, I AM smart. Anywho, wish me luck on my second interview!
Current Mood: excited

13th July 2005

8:46pm: Working Girl
Okay, I have an interview at Red Lobster tomorrow for the bartending job. Wish me luck please.

I can't believe that I just spent 3 years in college to go for a bartending job, lol.
Current Mood: hopeful

9th July 2005

9:40pm: I dunno
So, another day, another dollar. Okay, another $30. That's what my babysitting gig is paying me daily. I feel like a teenager when I say babysitting, so let's call it "child care" instead, lol. Anyway, I think that if I'm not going to be in the RN program this year, then I need a real job. I'm sick to death of school (although, I do like the grant money, lol), so I've started looking around. I think I probably should do this next semester, mostly because Ken (one of my teachers) will probably hunt me down and beat me with a stick if I drop another one of his classes. Okay, he probably doesn't care THAT much, but it makes me feel important to think that he does, so whatever.

So, job search. You know what sucks about 10 years as a stay at home mom and then a student? MY RESUME. Dude, just going by that, no one will ever hire me. Except maybe McDonald's, but I'm not quite that desperate just yet. Anyway, my friend Sandy is a waitress at Red Lobster, and I used to waitress, so I thought, why not go back to that? Well, because I just didn't like it that much. Now, beggars can't be choosers, but I just started looking, so I don't want to just jump right into another job I won't like. She said today that they really need a bartender though, and that sounds more interesting. Except for a) I've never bartended in my life, and b) I don't even drink so I couldn't tell you what was in pretty much any drink. I don't even know what you put in a strawberry daiquiri besides strawberries. Or do you? See what I mean? I don't know, Kimberlee used to bartend, and if she can do it, I KNOW I can. Sandy said they're desperate enough to take me all inexperienced and train me, so I'm going in on Monday. Positive thoughts, please!!!!

Next subject: Ebay! I've got like 8 things coming in the mail, so now each day when the mailman comes is like Christmas. I thought I wouldn't like online shopping as much as I LOVE real life shopping, but no, I do. I bought four new tongue rings the other day, and I can't wait to get them so I can take this one out. I just got my tongue pierced 4 weeks ago tomorrow, but Lee said I could change this one after 3 weeks, so yeah, I'm down for that. The one they pierce you with is long to accomodate for the massive swelling (you should have seen my tongue, lol), so now that the swelling is gone, it's way too long. I have a couple tongue rings here (I sell body jewelry as a sideline, so I actually have tons of basic stuff), but I wanted something more personal. If I could get one with my name on it, I would. Actually, I probably could if I tried, lol.

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I swear I'm going to make an effort to write in this thing regularly.
Current Mood: productive

3rd July 2005

11:07pm: Bummed
Well, another year ... and I didn't make into the nursing program AGAIN. Everyone always said how hard it was to get into, but DAMN that's two years in a row. I'm kind of at a loss as to what I'm going to do with myself for the next year until I can apply again. Getting a job seems pointless, because until I have that degree I'm not qualified to DO anything. I could finish up some loose ends in the way of credits and graduate with a degree in Liberal Arts, but really what is that good for if you're not transferring? I wish I had the means to apply for the nursing programs at different schools, but the closest one besides LMC is still too far to be manageable at the moment. I don't know, I'm just sick of school and I want to be working. I guess I should just be glad I didn't go for medical school, lol.
Current Mood: disappointed

28th June 2005

5:05pm: I Don't KNOW
I keep telling myself that I'm going to write in this thing more, but things in RL always seem to overwhelm me. School's out for the summer, but Kainoa requires increasing amounts of time, it seems. This week is VBS (Vacation Bible Study) at church, too, and I volunteered to help Tere with snacks, so I have to do that every night until Thursday. Not that I don't enjoy it ... I don't know, I keep going back and forth about church.

Yes, I'm a Christian, but I'm not one of those annoying fundies that believes that everything they think is the ultimate TRUTH. I recognize that there is a lot interpretation that goes into religion, so I don't feel the need to cram my ideas down anyones throat. It's hard to describe, but it just seems like the more intelligent a person is (and I'm not trying to make myself out to be a genius, but I'm not an idiot either), the harder it is to have faith. Or for some things in the Bible to make sense. Maybe it's not that I'm intelligent, maybe it's that I've become cynical. Especially about the Church. And about my place in it. Let's face it, there's not a lot of room for lesbians in the big religious picture. I was talking to someone today about tithing, and how they don't think they should have to put up 10% or whatever, and I said something to the effect of "Well, you can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible you want to obey." I felt hypocritical immediately. I mean, it's pretty accepted that the Bible doesn't have enough good to say about homosexuality, but have I been conveniently ignoring this fact so that I can go on doing what makes me feel good? I just can't help but find it hard to believe that who I love makes such a big difference to God - but then, why is it so easy to believe that he wants 10% of my income?

I think things were simpler when I just didn't think about these things.
Current Mood: cranky

2nd June 2005

10:16am: STRESS
So, there's something that we're trying to get ... something that we really, really want. I don't even want to post about it because I'm afraid of jinxing it. Anyway, getting it is becoming really stressful and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. I think I'm allright at dealing with stress - God knows I've had the practice - but Kimberlee just FREAKS out. Her stress is like waaaaay more difficult to deal with than whatever the stressful situation is. Luckily when she gets stressed out she likes to leave, so that's cool with me, lol.

What else...? Oh, tomorrow is the talent show at the elementary school and Sabryna is in it, so I'm a little nervous. She always does these plays at church and gets Mary to give her solos, and she can't really sing that great, so it's a little nerve-wracking for me, lol. I'm impressed that she has zero stage fright though, so I will keep my mouth shut and let her enjoy herself up there. I used to love being on stage (acting, not singing, thank God. I'm an awful singer.), but I got out of it after my first round of college back when I was 19. I've considered the community theater around here, but I feel like I have no time lately as it is.

Sometimes there are things I want to write in this journal, but too many people I know read it. You know who you are.
Current Mood: stressed

27th May 2005

7:28pm: LJ Drama
So, I was reading someone from school's LJ earlier and they had a link to LJ Drama. Sounded interesting, so I moseyed(SP) over to check it out. OMG. I had to tear myself away, lol. Some of that shit is so fucking hilarious I just can't beleive that real people wrote it. Waaaaaaaaaay more entertaining than anything I've seen online lately, that's for sure. Not that I get to spend the massive amounts of time on here that I used to before I got a life, but *sigh* I guess you just can't have it all, huh? Anyway, as much as I hate drama in my real life, reading about other people's bullshit is amusing, to say the least. I wonder if I could come up with some interesting drama and get my journal on LJ Drama?? I'd have to be making it up, though, because nothing "dramatic" has happened since that whole me/Kimberlee/Susan/Chris love ... quadrangle, I guess... thing. Haha. That was funny.
Current Mood: amused

26th May 2005

1:31pm: Something Positive


Something Positive is absolutely one of the funniest comics I've ever read.  I started reading it a few years ago and then forgot about it when I had no internet access for awhile.  Lately I've rediscovered it, and it still cracks me up.  If you wanna check it out, go to www.somethingpositive.net  It's awesome :)

Current Mood: giggly

15th May 2005

9:24am: My Latest Unhealthy Obsession
So ... you know, I always get interested in something and then go way overboard for awhile ... this time it's two things: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Ebay. I started watching Buffy one day when there was nothing on and lo and behold I liked it. I used to just assume it was stupid back when it was on, lol. I can be such a snob sometimes. Anyway, so now I'm totally stuck on it. Then there's Ebay. I've used it a couple of times before, but lately I swear to G*d I buy something from there at least twice a week. Maybe it's because I have more money lately???

Oh well, I guess these are harmless until the next big thing comes along *.~
Current Mood: chipper

8th May 2005

11:56pm: I Hate Speech Class
I guess the title of this post is self-explanatory :) Anyway, so I kept speech class until my last semester of co-reqs and so I finally just had to take it ... yes, it sucks, but not in the way I imagined. I was picturing it being like a ton of standing up in front of the class speaking, which I hate (go figure, with me being so outgoing and all), but it really only has like 4 speeches. The last one, our final, is supposed to be 40 minutes long and it's a group thing. I'm not a huge fan of group projects because there are always a few slackers that make the whole thing really stressful. This time, however, I'm the slacker, lol. I do have my shit together, but I'm so not down for staying after class to practice a gazillion times. I go to class as little as possible ... which always pisses people off when I get straight A's :) I've had a 4.0 for the last few semesters, which is really amazing, considering. I'm really lucky that I'm good at tests and at writing essays, which is really what the majority of the points come down to. Except for lab classes, like anatomy and microbiology, but I finished those last year so the classes I have left are kinda easy.

Okay, I guess that's all for today, because I have to get up early for school tomorrow. Blah. I actually have to show up for my health class because I blew off a really big assignment (by accident) and now I have to bust my ass to get a good grade. Three more weeks and this semester is over - YAY!!!

I found out if I got into the nursing program at the end of June, so positive thoughts please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another year of fucking around waiting to get in is more than I think I can stand.
Current Mood: lazy

7th May 2005

10:16pm: Ebay Aggravation
As much as I love to swoop in during the last 30 seconds or so of an auction and get whatever it is that I wanted out from under someone's nose, I really HATE it when someone does that to me!!!!! I was bidding on this charm for Kimberlee's mom and then here comes someone at the last second and ... well, you know. Grrrrr. Normally I don't really mind when that happens - it's the kind of thing that makes Ebay fun, but I really just wanted to be done shopping for the night and now I have to get another charm. Last week I decided to buy a Tamagotchi for Sabryna on Ebay because you just cannot find them in the stores and I ended up paying forty bucks for it (it's only 13.99 at Target, if they ever actually had any). The things we do for our children.

Speaking of children, this babysitting gig is getting harder by the day. Now, I've got two kids, so it's not like I don't know what I'm doing with babies, but my girls were really easy babies. I never felt like I couldn't get things done or whatever, but with Kainoa, I feel like I'm just chained to the couch. He won't even sleep without someone holding him. I now like the money too much to quit, however. *sigh* The bad thing is that Kimberlee wants another baby really badly and I told her that we could have one after I get out of nursing school, but having Kai around is really making me reevaluate that decision. Personally, I'm perfectly happy with my two girls and not having little ones around the house anymore.

Sam is turning into such a great little lady, too. I feel bad for her sometimes because she's not with the "in" crowd and she has problems like acne and the usual puberty stuff, but I really like her personality. I can't beleive that she's 13 already and we never fight or have those kind of problems that I see with Kimberlee and Darian. I really feel blessed with Sam. I hope that we can keep having a good relationship as she gets older, but it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to start hating me the way I hated my mom at that age.

Wow, I think this is the most writing I've done in here, lol. Too bad only me and Mere are actually reading it *.~
Current Mood: aggravated

2nd April 2005

2:20pm: Could I BE Any More Bored????
My life is so excrutiatingly (sp??) dull right now. I took on a babysitting job for my friend Sandy just to get a little extra money, but I feel like I'm chained to the house since then. Kai is only 7 weeks old, so he requires a lot of attention, which I'm no longer used to, since my kids are 9 and 13. Not only that, but since I don't drive, I'm always at the mercy of Kimberlee to take me places and it just hasn't been working out lately. My best friend is going to pay for me to get my permit as a late birthday present, so I'm optimistic that things will get better. At the moment, though, I feel like I am going to go stir crazy around here. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That's a little better.

At least school starts on Monday, but then I have the added stress of homework (which I really should be doing now before Kai gets here, but I don't wanna). *sigh* I REALLY hope I get picked for the RN program this year, because I've completed all of my pre- and co-requisites, so I've pretty much exhausted 'things to do in the meantime'. I'll find out in June, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed (...explains all the typos I'm making).

Well, now I've just bored OTHER people to tears with this entry, so I'll be going now...
Current Mood: listless

22nd March 2005

5:54pm: Should I be bothered?
So... all of a sudden my girlfriend's ex-girlfriend has been calling. She's the girl that Kimberlee cheated on with ME, and then left for ME, so I guess I should not be threatened ... right? To be honest, actually, I'm not particularly threatened, but I don't know, just irritated. And if I'm even more honest, I don't like being reminded of how fucked up we treated Susan. Maybe that's what my problem is, I don't know, but what I DO know is that she's getting on my nerves. I don't want to say anything and sound like I'm insecure and jealous (I am, but I don't want others to know this). To top it off, Susan just had a baby, which Kimberlee really, really wants, but which I am not ready for just yet. Bleh.
Current Mood: irritated

15th March 2005

2:59pm: Getting Started
Okay, so after years of reading the LJs of frieneds, I've finally gone and gotten my own. Now if only I had something witty or interesting to say...

At any rate, I'm having one of those really boring days. You know the kind - even if you came up with something to do you're just too apathetic to actually DO it. My friend owes me a hundred bucks and if she pays up maybe I'll go see a movie or something.

Who am I kidding?? Even if she does pay up, I have a paper due in English tomorrow that I don't feel like writing. Which is why I'm here, writing about nothing instead. As if anyone's reading this.

Current Mood: bored
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